When I log into this blog to write a new post, I look to the right to pick a category that best fits what I’m about to blog about. With that being said I never know what I’ll write about when I open up a blog post. And secondly, and perhaps more importantly, I’ve noticed that anything that I’d generally consider ‘everyday life’ goes into the ‘Mental Health’ category.
In my everyday work life I rally against labels and talk about a person being more than a diagnosis or more than their mental health. But when it comes to my own categorising of myself, I do the exact same thing – even when there’s no pressure to do so.
I will have to do something about that. Probably about the same time I find a proper header, update the sidebars and make a blogroll.
Blog posts have become less since working from home has become less. Where I live is pretty good on the Covid front and therefore I’m allowed out to see humans again and even share cars and have lunch etc. It continues to feel wrong when the news screams at us nightly that the world is still in Covid meltdown and people are divided into two distinct camps – mask and anti-mask.
To use a well worn metaphor, I’m at a crossroads. I have a bit of decision fatigue and I’m hanging out for Christmas to arrive so that I can have a prolonged break – it cannot be overstated just how much stress the little community in which I live has gone through in the last 12 months or so. And I’m feeling it too.
I’m at that stage where I want a bit more of an idea of career and identity. I’ve made my peace with the fact that ambition is not a dirty word and I’m finally at a place where I believe in my skills and the conviction of my opinions and knowledge to forge a path in difficult clinical terrain.
However there’s a gaping hole where my job satisfaction should be. A couple of colleagues are leaving soon – I have admiration and respect for them both but it’s the type of thing that can bring out the most unattractive of traits – the green eyed monster. It has a frustrating habit of creating a clear snapshot of what my mental health may have cost me over the years.
However it’s never too late and I’m making enquiries to that end and to see what can happen to facilitate some of the change and challenges I crave.
It’s just… I don’t want it to be too challenging or have too much change, I have anxiety you know.